What is it that you think every morning? A person? A task? A decision? A perspective? A dream you just dreamed? Or a dream you've always dreamt about? For me, its life. Everyday when I get up, I look at myself in the mirror and think ' She's my best friend' because you never know where life is gonna take you, you never know whom life is going to take away from you. I am not even a young adult yet, but still theres one thing I know. And that's never to depend on others and never back out.
If I had to describe myself, I could write a book , an essay or a paragraph but it will never describe me because words do not define or identify a life or a soul. These things are immeasurable and indescribable. The path of discovering myself started long back. When I was caught in something bad. Well, not so bad. It was my 10th grade results. It could've got me somewhere but it ended up getting me nowhere.
My father would often ask me what I want to do in future. What I would want to do with my life, but I couldn't express myself though I knew what I wanted. Dreams always dreamt. English Honours . Theatre. Both these fields are like poles apart. But , who told they can't be achieved? I never got to tell it to my father or my mother because for that I would gave to go ahead with arts which is a complete no-no for them. So , I did not tell them and I got stuck.
I am currently working on a novel. Its the teen fiction types. My friends , family or teachers hardly know about it! I could never tell anyone because I was scared. I was scared that people might laugh and mock me. Thinking that I'm too young to start writing a book. My love for English is hardly known to anyone.
Currently , I'm studying commerce. Its interesting but it isn't what I'd do with my life! A few days back when I was writing my Accounts paper, halfway, I had this thought. What if I was writing a Psychology or a History paper? What if I was quoting Shakespeare's words? These thoughts take me into sudden darkness. But, I cannot help it. Not anymore. This darkness. I wondered what it was. Does it have a name? This hatred, this cruelty , this pain. How did they find me? Did they steal into my life or did I myself seek them out and embrace it? Why is it so dark that it makes me think that sending children into this world is like sending your men for war, hoping their lives to return safely. This darkness. Does it have a name? Is it my name?
But then, there comes a time when every life goes offcourse. It depends on you how to get it back. Will you throw down your defences and find solace in someone or something unexpected? Or will you reach out and face it with a big brave heart? Or will you give away to the darkness in your soul? So, what's it gonna be? For me, its going to be different and difficult.
But the faith I have in myself will help me out. Come what may , I'm still going to chase my dream. Chase it with so much desire that one find day success starts chasing me. And I know that I cannot wait anymore because every day I wait, is a day which is never coming back.
Well , I had to write about myself. This is about me. This is what I feel. And this feeling. I know that when this feeling is really and wholly felt by me, it will give a tingly and a fresh feel. And do you know what's the name of that feeling? Its happiness. And for those , who think I am not good or im poor in something and I cannot be appreciated or honoured , I would just like to tell them this. "I might not be good, but I'm good enough to achieve my dream and maybe kind of , sort of , knock YOU out. "
English is my dream. I will make it happen. Because I know that regret comes in different shapes , sizes and disguises. Regret can be from a person , a decision , a matter, a loved one. But the biggest regret is not doing something that you could have. And I don't want to be a person or a character that would, in the future, take a walk down the memory lane and regret for not doing what I should have. Well this is me.
Oh! By the way , did I tell you my name? Its Palak. It means eyelids. So you know what kind of a person I am. Eyelids. What do they do? Open and see the world in the best way and find the best way to live it. Thank you.
